A lot has happened in the 19 days since my last post. My son in law and daughter came to visit for the gun hunting season, and Matt shot his first deer, and then another just to prove the first was not a fluke. We processed about 160 lbs of venison between our deer and his.

They brought their daughter, who is the light of all of our lives. At 5 months old, she has her two bottom teeth, is gnawing on everything she can get her hands on, and is rolling over to get her hands on more things to gnaw.

The last carrots from the garden met with approval.

Her five month anniversary fell on the same date my youngest daughter was committed to a mental hospital as she is bipolar, in a manic phase with psychotic features, and unable to be safe outside of a controlled setting. She came to visit us on November 4th, and I called 911 on November 8th because she was going to hurt herself, and had hurt Michael. I am writing this as Michael drives us back from the Winnebago Mental Health Institute, where our daughter could hold it together for 15 minutes of visiting before needing to go. She is somewhat less delusional, but still manic. We would drive the 10 hour round trip to see her for another 15 minutes, trusting that doing so lets her know we love her and are here for her. This is her first psychotic break and we are all learning as we go.

Nobody wants to be mentally ill, or to have a child be diagnosed as bipolar. It is terrible to see her in a locked ward. It is worse wondering if she is going to do something that will kill herself, or you, or someone else, because her perceptions are impaired by her own body. So we do what we can and that is all we can do.

I have to say that we invited her to visit because we suspected she was bipolar, due to her behavior. We hoped that being in a safe and stress-free place would allow her the space for her body to wind down by itself. That didn’t happen, and her doctors all agree that the only thing that will help her regain balance is medication. I have started to think of them as anti-rejection drugs...necessary just to remain functional. We are now waiting for her to become functional.

In the meantime, we appreciate the moral support we are receiving from friends and family far and wide and local. We will work to get Irene into the addition by Christmas, hoping that our daughter will also be able to come home, and we will have room for her to do so. We take daily walks with her dog, whom we are babysitting long term. It is good for us to start walking again and we promise to start lifting weights any day now. Taking care of ourselves allows us to continue to care for others (not to mention all those ducks and chickens...we love our ducks and chickens!).